November 22, 2014

THE WORST INTERVIEW IN HISTORY

 Sadly, this is only a slight exaggeration of an actual event:

She arrived to the interview forty-five minutes early, and it was too cold to wait in the car long enough to appear to arrive at the mandatory fifteen-minutes early time. She had a very bad head cold, and her eyes were leaking faster than a water main break, so she thought she would enter the building, find the ladies’ room, to freshen her make-up. The restroom door was locked, so she found the proper suite, thinking that it would be full of candidates. Sadly, this was not to be. In the room were only two women, one of whom was waiting for her. She politely explained the situation, and asked for the combination of the lock on the ladies’ room door.

Once inside the restroom, she dropped her mascara down the little hole in the sink, and it was impossible to retrieve. Her eyes were watering so badly from the head cold the mascara probably would have just slid down her cheeks, anyway. She shrugged that off, knowing that things could be much, much worse. She smacked her head on the door as she exited, creating an instant bruise.

Back at the room where the interview was to be held, she was led down a narrow hall. She tripped on the hem of her slacks, knocking a framed print off the wall.

Inside the small office, she started to sit in a chair, whose legs apparently had not been screwed on properly, promptly landing on the floor. She apologized profusely as she gathered her wounded ego, along with parts of the broken chair, and sat in the other seat (after checking it for safety, of course). Since she was sneezing, coughing, and leaking gross fluids everywhere, she whipped her hand sanitizer from her purse, opened the tightly closed container, and proceeded to dump the contents on the desk belonging to the woman doing the interview.

She began sneezing uncontrollably as the interviewer was asking her questions. The only response that she could come up with was, “What?” since she really had not heard anything. Her ears were clogged.

The interview lasted less than five minutes, and she was pretty sure she would not be hearing back from this company.  The interviewer informed her that the company would notify the two final candidates within a few hours.

She picked her purse up from the floor, and hurled it across her shoulder, slapping the interviewer in the head with the overstuffed shoulder bag.

She never checked her voice mail for the interviewer’s call back.

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